Long time no talk readers…
I have been thinking a lot lately between walking, furlough, social distancing, and all the things. Sometimes these thoughts are about fitness, firearms, bourbon, how some people refuse to pick up dog poop, politics, life, raising kids, and whole bunch of other shit. Today I thought a lot about what if I never decided to take control of my life….What would my life look like today?
Annnnnnd holy shit did that scare me, anger me, and most of it devastated me to my core. I will get into these feelings as we go here…. yes, I used the word “feelings.”
When working on your personal fitness goals, you hear from the people on the sidelines, “Live a little” or, “You are missing out on so much, just eat a piece of cake or just “cheat,” it isn’t so bad”. If you have ever tried to better yourself, you have heard that 1000x too many.
But let me tell you from someone who has been on both sides fat, miserable, fake, out of shape, lying to myself, lying to you, hating myself and quite honestly at times ready to just give up. Never being able to be in the moment, never enjoying little moments, too worried about what I look like and what other people are thinking of me. I don’t care what anyone says, I know from conversations with literally hundreds of people who are overweight by 30, 40, 50+ pounds, that 99 out of 100 of them will tell you that they cannot enjoy simple moments.
Ok so here’s my list of things I would have missed out on if I wouldn’t have taken control of my physical health which led to improving my mental health:
- Taking Sutton to water parks
- Getting in the pool with Knox at swim lessons
- Competing in my 1st Crossfit Competition
- Summer Smash 2018
- Most Valuable Legionnaire Weekend February 2019
- Letting Jolene take pictures of me at the beach
- Traveling to Squamish/Whistler, British Columbia to run 50 miles through the mountains
- Meeting Mike and Maria Fecik
- My whole 1st Phorm Family
- I wouldn’t have found my life’s purpose of helping others unlock their lives
- Ran 4 marathons
- I would have never met one of the most influential women in my life, Leslie.
- I would never been able to go on runs with clients and inspire them to take control
- I would have had body image issues around my daughter and son
- I would be insecure around my wife
- I would have never taking control of my mental health because….that’s just the way I was
- I would have never had the confidence to tell my story from the deepest darks to the best days of my life (Sutton and Knox being born)
I didn’t talk a lot about my cheerleader, partner in crime, coach, chef, friend, lover, neat freak and little bit crazy (if you know you know why this is funny) wife, Jolene. She picked me at one of the lowest points in my life. She taught me that I was worth it and allowed me the space and continues to give me the space to work on myself. She found me at my worst and she deserves my best. In a way, I am very selfish about never going back to who I was. Matter of fact, last night when I was walking, I was beating myself up about not being home, but as I write this it just hit me. It’s not that selfish….. I am doing everything I can to be around for as long as possible for Jolene, Sutton, and Knox.
The least selfish thing you can do is be as useful as possible to your family as long as possible…..
Ask yourself what are you missing out on, in front of the mirror, and look yourself in the fucking eyes when you do it and then wipe the tears. Then look again, make eye contact with yourself, and ask the question- Do I want to have this conversation again in 3 years?