I know its been a minute since I last blogged but I wanted to make sure I had something good to talk about the next time I wrote. I think this topic will provoke you to think about how you treat people in general in regards to their health and wellness.
I run a Facebook group called “We Do the Work” within the group their are around 500 people working on improving their health, wellness, performance or thinking about making some changes. When I was doing corporate wellness coaching I had the opportunity to speak with thousands of people a year who were working on some kind of goal regarding wellness weather it be quitting smoking, eating healthy, losing weight, working out or managing stress. There is always a common theme that most people bring up. The struggle brought on by their families and friends.
Why do we as humans find the need to belittle others for their choices. Let me paint a picture for you, I am at a gathering of friends and theres an overweight person who is shoveling the snacks down and drinking beers, they go 2 hours of constant snacking and drinking. They are about 50lbs over weight. I walk up to them and say, “Hey dude you are looking pretty fat why don’t you just chew on a butter stick fatty.” I would be asked to leave that party pretty damn quick and I would be the asshole. The next scenario has happened to me about 1x a week for the last year and happened to my wife during here Bikini show prep a few times. We are at a gathering of people weather it be family or friends, we would be snacking on veggies and drinking diet coke or water, “Oh look at skinny minnie eating her ice cubes and drinking water.” “Oh Ray can’t eat anything so no one can eat anything.” ” Are you ever going to be able to eat again” Talking to people like this is acceptable and most people at the party giggle a little bit and continue to give you shit all night.
Now you’re probably thinking well its not really that different but you’ve probably done the 2nd a few times in your life but the thought of doing the 1st appalls you. Why in todays society is being unhealthy celebrated? I am all for loving your body but if you truly loved your body why do you feed it shit food? I know for a fact when I was fat as shit, I didn’t love my body. I loved what it could do but I 100% did not love how it looked. Being overweight is not healthy and its not something to be celebrated. So why do we put down those who choose to live a healthy lifestyle and accept peoples poor lifestyle choices that will end their life prematurely? Why do we snicker at those who order a steak and veggies but not at those who get apps, burger, fries, dessert and 4 beers?
Why is ok to tell someone they look too thin but not too fat? Being at a healthy weight now is looked at being too thin but being 50lbs overweight no one blinks an eye at and would never tell the person to get their shit together.
I was overweight and fat last year. No one told me this and I wish someone would have pulled me aside and said something to me. I told myself this because I could see it. I made a choice to change and heres why
- I have to be a good role model of health for my daughter. The choices myself and my wife make for our own health will directly affect how our daughter grows up. I do not want my daughter to ever hear me complain about my body weather it be how I look or how I feel about shoveling the drive way.
- I want her to grow up knowing exercise and eating healthy is the norm. My parents did a very good job of this. My mom was always walking, biking, lifting, or something active. My dad would be lifting or running. I grew up doing both with my parents and its some of my best memories as a child.
- I belive we are doing our children a huge disservice by allowing them to be obese. As a parent it is our fault if our child is obese and so are the consequences that come with that poor lifestyle. Type 2 diabetes is on the rise in children under 18, 20 years ago this diagnosis was unheard of and now its becoming more and more frequent.
- I need the energy to be able to keep up with her!
If you have goals stick to your guns, its going to be hard to deal with the assholes but I promise its worth it. If you are an asshole to people with goals , knock that shit off.
Tell us about yourself:
1) Jennifer Gionfriddo (G-ON-FRITO) originally from Eden Prairie. Live in Chaska with my husband Jason and our beautiful blended family Allianna(14), Catarina (12), Vincent (8), Megan (8), and our bird Laguna, dog Isabelle, guinea pig Dash, bearded dragon Spikey. I work as a Data Governance Director at Optum in Eden Prairie and am currently a student at NorthCentral University finishing a PhD in Psychology. Love to read, spend time with my hubby, and engage in whatever activity my kids will let me participate in – currently skating and puzzles (“Mom” is NOT COOL so I am happy whenever they let me tag along)
What are some of your fitness goals?
2) I have been obsessed with fitness for 6+ years and really want to “take it to the next level” and find a program that works, is fun and gets me shredded. I like to keep up with these kids and it takes some strength and endurance since they can be rowdy.
Whats your why?
3) My why is my kids and myself. There are so many things goals in life worth reaching but so many rely on external factors beyond my control. My body, my choice, and this accomplishment I can see everyday and know if nothing else, today I can succeed at this!
What made you choose Creative Results Fitness?
4) Ummmm….Jolene’s smoking hot bikini pic. AND the fact that I have worked with SEVERAL other coaches who have kept me a bit in the dark, never fully answered my questions and always felt like cheerleaders even though results were not coming. Ray is direct, honest, ALWAYS available, and has an reason for everything he tells me to do. I like that especially being the type of person I am. I question everything and I need reasons. Plus Ray lets me eat mac and cheese and waffles!
Whats your favorite 1stPhorm product and why?
5) I like the protein(Phormula-1) and ignition because I am rarely sore if ever when I use it and it tastes good in water.
Well when it comes to being a friend or spouse which one are you? Do you drain your significant others confidence and momentum or are you a fountain of encouragement and positivity?
(I, my & me do not refer directly to me but to the person working on their goals)
Ask yourself that and be honest with yourself. Do you offer calorie dense food to a friend who you know is busting her ass to lose weight, maybe order your buddy a beer when he gets up to take a piss because you think he wants one anyway? Maybe you do it with good intentions but you’re serving your own needs and truly not giving a fuck about your “friend’s goals”. Do you know how hard it is to do it on your own, without someone else trying to sabotage my goals? If I want a beer I will order a fucking beer! Most of the people who do this I have discovered have no clue what its like to work for things and hide behind trying to be polite….again we are all adults here. I get it. You don’t want me to miss out on “life” but will you say this at my funeral if I die from a heart attack at 45 because I ate like an asshole and you didn’t have the balls to put me in my place when I was 33….you could have saved my life. Will you be there to walk Sutton down the aisle because you were so selfish to keep offering a beer and you knew I needed to get healthy? No….because it makes you feel bad about your FUPA that I am bettering myself. These are typically the same people who look for a quick fix when it comes to fixing their issues…..they hate the work that is required to see real sustainable results. The backhanded comments are the jealously coming out, they know they cannot do what you are doing. So lets sabotage our friends because that’s way easier than feeling shitty about myself.
My god that felt good to write…My editor will give me feedback about using certain language but hey there’s a time and place.
Now the important stuff.
Ask yourself how can I help my wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/friend/son/daughter/grandma/grandpa/mom/dad.
- Ask them how you can help them, if it’s not unreasonable DO IT
- Tell them you see how hard they are working, ask questions about their workouts, cardio, meals, etc. People like to talk about themselves when they are doing hard things
- If you are having a dinner party ask them if they have any preferences or let them know in advance so that they can plan their macros
- Plan activities that do not involve food
- Work on your own health for maybe that one night….it won’t kill you.
If reading this offended you, I hope it opened your eyes to what kind of “friend” you have been. If you read this thinking “My friends always order me a glass of wine and they know I am working on MY GOALS” stand up for yourself and be your own advocate. If you read this and say “Hey Ray, I got some more things you can add to being supportive.” EMAIL ME!
YOUR GOALS ARE YOUR GOALS!
If you are a size 12 and you want to be a size 2 or if you are a size 6 and want to be a size 2 thats your fucking goal, don’t let someone tell you its bad to want to look and feel a certain way. If you want to take your shirt off at the beach and carry a cooler full of beers and not have any jiggle (my goal) work your ass of for it. Do the work and wink at the asshole who doubted you…..
When talking about fitness and nutrition with most people, the biggest issue I here time and again is, “Ray, I don’t have time to workout or meal prep.” Hey I get it you are busy and you have 236 things on your daily to do list. Here’s an exercise I like to do with people to figure out where your time is going.
- There are 168 hours a week and everyone is playing with this same number to start.
- Lets assume you sleep 8 hours a night. So 56 hours of the week are gone right away. You are left with 112 hours.
- Lets assume you work 44 hours a week which is about average in America. Lets toss in 3 hours everyday for commuting and getting ready. So 59 hours a week for work stuff. You are left with 53 hours per week.
- Kids homework, cleaning, cooking at night, laundry, etc all the shit. Lets say 3 hours a day for a total of 21 hours a week. Some days its 30 minutes some days its 5 hours at a hockey tourney. You get the point….I hope. You are left with 32 hours a week.
- Figure out what the hell you are doing with those 32 hours a week.
- Meal Prep+Grocery shopping maybe takes 3 hours, 1 day a week. Go read my wife’s blog about it. Meal Prep 101 & Meal Planning You are left with 29 hours.
- In the beginning of your fitness journey, you really only need to exercise about 30 minutes a day every other day. So 2 hours total, lets assume you drive 15 minutes each way to the gym and need to shower after. So 8 hours a week. You are left with 21 hours each week
- You’re welcome for finding you 21 hours of time to watch Netflix.
If you still need help with not having time to exercise please reach out and I would love to help you create a time budget.